If a man physically
abuses a woman, there is outcry. If he lays a hand on her and if she presses
charges, he will be dragged before the courts, often with no sympathy for his
assault on her- Even if they are married. The threshold is lowered to a
point of non-existence for a more intrusive type of assault- Rape.
The message sent is
confusing and a firm stance needs to be taken. In cases of rape, personally knowing
your attacker does not vitiate the attack, so why then should being married to
your attacker preclude an offence from being committed?
The words of the traditional
marriage vows are:
"I, ___, take you, ___, for my lawful
wife/husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse,
for richer, for poorer, in sickness and health, until death do us part."
It
did not say:
"I, ___, take you, ___, for my lawful wife/husband, to
have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, to own your body,
for me to do as I wish, even if you are against it. To hurt you and harm you,
because of my sick and twisted mindset ...and there is nothing you can do about
it, until death (most likely of the wife) do us part”.
One key element of
the offence of Rape is consent. If a wife does not consent, that should be it.
The union of marriage has created an impenetrable shield, allowing husbands to
perpetuate sexual violence against their spouse with the protection of the law.
There has been a
steady increase in domestic violence cases, with many persons, not living to tell
the tale. A woman is empowered to stand up against physical domestic violence
and is told repeatedly, “a man does not own her…..walk away”, however based on
the current stance it would appear as if there are levels of abuse, and
physical abuse is placed on a higher tier than the unwanted sexual violation of
a wife and/or mother, and she will receive no protection if this is the avenue
taken by her spouse.
So many persons are
living in marriages where the issues if chronicled would surprise many, but a
brave face is put on as they struggle to make it work, or give the appearance
of making it work- often because of the standards of the church and/or its
members.
An issue also arises
where a wife is trying to separate from her husband. A key element needed to
successfully file a divorce petition is separation for a year (including sexual
contact). What happens when the husband simply won’t leave his wife alone
through forced sexual contact? In a Divorce application, the parties may still
be viewed as separated even if they continue to cohabit in the same house, but not if they continue having sex with each other. There
are therefore several implications stemming from this issue.
The church has missed
the mark in their utterances and their continued unequivocal Stance regarding
the submission of a wife to a husband to their own detriment. Otherwise Criminal
behavior is being encouraged on a weak basis- the husband does not own the
outside of the body, so he can be prosecuted accordingly, but he owns the inside
of her body, and should not be prosecuted. Selective ownership has no basis in
law and it is time for the playing field to be leveled.
